Overcoming FOPO: Embracing A Gluten Free Life with Celiac Disease Ep. 157

Ever felt paralyzed by what others might think of you in particular when ordering your gluten free meals.
You'll hear me talk about the layers of this psychological hurdle, and how it's morphed into a modern-day barrier to personal well-being. With celiac disease, we confront the uncomfortable moments, from online negativity to candid discussions about dietary restrictions, encouraging you to put your health first and the whispers of judgment firmly in their place.

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Chapters

• 0:00 Overcoming the Fear of Other's Opinions
• 12:17 Engage With Healthy Celiac Community

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:24

Now, you may have heard of FOMO, but have you heard of FOPO? Now? Fomo is the fear of missing out, and, living with celiac disease, we are probably pretty well accustomed to missing out on a regular basis, so you probably understand what FOMO is. But FOPO is what I want to talk about on today's episode, because I just think it's fascinating and I think it ties in perfectly for us with celiac disease and how we go about our daily lives and how we kind of show up in the world with, you know, going out and eating and things like that. So let's talk about FOPO and what it is. So Dr Michael Gervais coined this term called FOPO, and basically what it is is the fear of other people's opinions. Okay, so FOPO is the fear of other people's opinions, and he talks about this in depth in his book which is titled the First Rule of Mastery Stop worrying about what People Think of you and in that book he discusses FOPO extensively.

Speaker 1: 1:34

And one of the things that I think is a really good way of looking at it is FOPO was really really important way back in the day when your basically survival was based on your tribe. Okay, so back then people lived in tribes, and if you weren't, you know, part of that tribe and included, then you would be kicked out and you would probably die because you didn't have that tribe to help with the hunting and the gathering and the survival needed. So it was important back then, whereas now what happens is people have so much fear of what other people think of them that it holds them back from living a really fulfilling and amazing life. An amazing life, and I just thought this whole idea of FOPO was incredible, because it is so true, isn't it? How many people do you hear that don't follow their dreams because they worry what other people think of them, particularly their parents, particularly their peers, the people that are in their community. They worry about what they think rather than what they truly want for themselves. So Dr Michael Gervais explained that there are three types of people that pretty much don't care about the opinions of other people, and they are schizophrenics, people who are narcissists and people who are fully enlightened. So it's not many people that really truly live a life without worrying about what other people think of them, and we live in a society where it's so easy for people to judge us, and my children were watching this TV show the other day and it's a kid's show.

Speaker 1: 3:31

It's got lots of science things on it and what they did was they put these children in a room and they watched a video of this person singing and she wasn't very good. And what they did was they gave their feedback and they were told that this person would not hear the feedback and it was completely anonymous. And they were really nasty. They said lots of nasty things about this girl and then it was sprung upon them that they were actually going to show this girl their feedback and they were mortified. They felt terrible and they explained that if they had known that they would have been kinder, they would have worded what they'd said very differently.

Speaker 1: 4:13

And it's just interesting because it taught these children a lesson that when they're behind a screen, it's very easy to be keyboard warriors, which is what a lot of people do. They say things to others that they wouldn't say to their face, right, so you might have seen this online. You might have been a witness to this where people troll I guess they call it trolling where people say things that you would hope that they would never say that in the real world to someone's face. But this kind of ties into you know we worry about what these strangers think of us online, but then it's also what people are thinking of them in real life. So if you were to go out for a meal and you're so caught up in worrying what that waitstaff thinks of you, you're embarrassed because you have to explain your needs for celiac disease. You have to really go into detail about what you need to eat a safe meal and even to the point of you know your friends that you're with, or even your family members, that you're worrying about the opinions of those people that you are dining out with, about the opinions of those people that you are dining out with, that.

Speaker 1: 5:30

Oh, here we go again. Here's Belinda carrying on about her gluten-free needs and oh, she's so annoying or she's so irritating, or why is she such a stress head about this? If those people have those opinions of you? This is how I think about it. It's none of our business. You might have heard this term coined before.

Speaker 1: 5:47

What others think of us is none of our business, right? If they want to think that way, that is their problem. What is our problem is our health and our needs. Okay, our health needs to be our priority, not the opinions of others, not what they think about us, and if it's holding you back from living life to its fullest, then I truly urge you to start to look at this and think is this going to matter later on in life? Because the only thing that's going to matter is your health. Those people's opinions are not going to matter in 10 years' time. This is one thing my husband and I discuss all the time when it comes to problems. We always say is this going to matter in 10 years' time? Usually it's not going to matter in 10 years' time. So if you can look at a situation and you can say, hey, is this going to matter in 10 years' time? No, then don't even worry about those people's opinions, because it is honestly not the way to live, and I know that might sound hard, but we don't need to worry about these people thinking, gee, oh, this person's really annoying. She's asking all these questions. And now I've got to go ask the chef another question because she needs to eat gluten-free food. Who cares? Who cares?

Speaker 1: 7:11

If they're worried that we're being a pain in the butt, just give them a tip. Say thank you when you leave. I'm always super grateful. We don't tip here in Australia, but whenever I leave a restaurant or a cafe, I always make note of thanking the person that looked after me. If they've gone above and beyond, I will truly let them know how grateful I am and how much of a difference it has made. Because being grateful, that is important and people will look after you next time and more and more when you do show your gratitude to those people. And you know you do get that respect when you are kind and grateful and thankful to the service that is provided of you.

Speaker 1: 7:53

You don't have to go in there intimidated. You don't have to go in there feeling self-conscious the more you do it, the easier it becomes and you don't have to worry about what they think of you. And having said all of this, in my early days of going out with celiac disease and ordering meals, I would make my husband do it, because I was so intimidated and I was so uncomfortable that I did worry about what those people thought of me. I did get nervous trying to explain my needs and sometimes I wouldn't do it to the best of my ability that it wasn't good for my health, whereas over the years I have trained myself by going out, by making sure that I ask all the questions needed. I have refined the way that I talk to people. When I eat out, I explain that I have celiac disease. I ask them if they know what that is. I tell them why I need to eat gluten-free. It can be daunting, it can be uncomfortable, but, like I said, the more you do it, the easier it becomes and it just becomes second nature.

Speaker 1: 8:55

Think about it if you had a child and that child has got a peanut allergy, you are not going to fob that off. You are going to make sure, without a shadow of a doubt, that that child is going to get a safe peanut-free meal, aren't you? You are no different. You are important. You need a safe peanut-free meal, aren't you? You are no different. You are important. You need a safe gluten-free meal.

Speaker 1: 9:19

So don't worry about what other people are thinking of you. Don't worry about their opinions, because it truly does not matter. And if you think about many of the weight staff that have served you, you're probably never going to see them again. So what they think of you, their opinions of you, who cares? Why does it even matter? Okay, think about it that way. Probably never going to have to see this person again in my life who really cares what they think of me. Simple as that.

Speaker 1: 9:43

Now, when we talk about not fearing other people's opinions, it's not about caring about other people's opinions. So Dr Michael Gervais explained this that it's not about coming from a place of arrogance, that, hey, I don't care what anyone thinks. It's about not worrying. So having that fear, having that worry but you know, if, for example, you were doing something that is not okay for the person within your group or within your circle of friends, or even someone in public, that's very different being arrogant and not caring. So one example that he gave was lighting up a cigarette and standing next to someone so close and blowing smoke in their face. That's very different to not worrying about what other people think. That's being rude, that's being arrogant. We're not talking about that level of not caring. We're talking about that level of not fearing what other people think about us and the questions that we ask and the things that we need to know. So I hope that has explained that in a way that helps you think about this when you go about your day and you're doing things, whether that's eating out, whether that's going to friends' houses, fopo Think about it when you're going about your daily life.

Speaker 1: 11:02

Do I have FOPO in this moment? Am I fearing the opinions of others or am I actually okay with this situation? Do I feel comfortable in this situation? Where can I stop this fear of what other people think of me holding me back? And I truly believe that it becomes very easy to get over this the more you do something. So maybe it's just getting in the habit of going out more regularly, going out once a week, going out once a fortnight and ordering something gluten-free.

Speaker 1: 11:33

If this scares the living daylights out of you, trust me, I get it, I have been there. But the more you do it, the easier it becomes. And I swear to you, life is so much more enjoyable when you do eat out and when you enjoy the company of others and not fearing their opinions of you. So start to do that, if you're not already doing that. Make it a date, make it something coming up you know whether it's a group of friends or a couple of relatives or even just your partner and getting the habit of asking the questions and not fearing what that person thinks of you, because, genuinely, most people are actually really damn amazing and they do want to keep you safe and give you a good service when you eat out.

Speaker 1: 12:18

So give it a go and, of course, as always, send me a message over at the healthy celiac on instagram. If you have tried this or if you're getting better at this, and if this is a new term that you've heard, let me know. I'd love to hear from you. So thanks so much for tuning in and I look forward to talking with you again very, very soon on the show. Have a great week. I'll talk to.