Dating Advice for Celiac's with Casey Cromwell Ep. 140

Dating while gluten-free? Sounds tricky, doesn't it? Well, I've brought someone on the show who not only managed to navigate this new terrain but also became a wealth of information and inspiration for many others. Join us as I chat with Casey Cromwell, better known as the College Celiac. 

Casey is a US-based celiac blogger who’s been documenting her journey navigating celiac since she was diagnosed at 17 right before college. She’s most active on Instagram at @collegeceliackc where she shares celiac humor, gluten free product reviews & recommendations, and more. 

She got diagnosed with Celiac disease at 17 and shares her journey, candidly talking about her early detection, medical care, and even her dating experiences post diagnosis. Her story will help you realize the importance of support and proper education in dealing with diseases like Celiac Disease.

In the world of dating, dietary restrictions could be a buzzkill. But not with Casey's insightful and practical advice about open communication, education and the surprising benefits of dating someone who isn't gluten-free. Hear her personal experiences and learn how to handle situations like dining out with ease. Whether you've just been diagnosed with Celiac Disease or you've been living with it for years, get ready for a heartening, empowering, and fun episode that will leave you feeling less alone and more informed about your journey with Celiac disease. 

Join us and let's chat gluten-free, dating and more with the College Celiac!

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Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:25

All right, welcome back to this week's episode of the Healthy Celiac Podcast. I'm your host, Belinda Whelan, and I'm very excited today as I have a guest on the show which is Casey Cromwell, also known as the College Celiac, and she's here today to not only tell us about her journey with Celiac disease, but she's a bit of an expert on dating, and I know this is something that comes up for people that have Celiac disease, because it can be a little bit of a challenge when you know we're meeting new people and we have to talk about our dietary kind of requests and all the things that go with Celiac disease. And this is something that I've never had to deal with because I was already with my partner now my husband. We were already in a relationship when I got Celiac disease, so I am not an expert on this subject, so I thought it'd be awesome to have Casey on the show today to share her insights. So welcome, Casey. Thanks so much for being here.

Speaker 2: 1:23

Thanks so much for having me. Yeah, you're welcome. And it's so funny because our stories are very opposite, since I was actually diagnosed just a couple of weeks before my first date.

Speaker 1: 1:34

So we'll get to that.

Speaker 2: 1:35

Wow, yes, yes, it's been an adventure. I am so happy. But if we wanted to start with kind of how I got Celiac or how I was diagnosed, yes, for me it was really random. I just started losing weight, having a lot of constant acid reflux, and luckily my mom was very concerned and my doctor was just kind of one of those overly anal doctors that want to check for everything if anything is wrong. So we went to the doctor, she did a blood test for everything and Celiac came back positive. I had never heard of Celiac disease before. I was about 17 at that time and had no idea what gluten even was. So it was exciting to get an answer because I was feeling like really tired, had a ton of headaches, a ton of joint pain and a lot of symptoms that I didn't even realize were connected to Celiac until I took out gluten. But it also was really terrifying to be like okay, I don't even know what gluten is, how am I supposed to completely cut it out of my diet?

Speaker 1: 2:41

Yeah, absolutely.

Speaker 2: 2:42

So lucky to have you at the doctor.

Speaker 2: 2:46

Yes, I was extremely fortunate. I was diagnosed with fibromyalgia at 11 and that was a lot more of a intensive doctor hunt to get someone who would kind of take my symptoms seriously. So I've kind of been on both sides of the coin, where in some cases you get really lucky of having a doctor who's really educated on what you end up having and figures it out, and in other cases you have to figure it out and make your doctor kind of believe you and do those tests and get the actual diagnosis.

Speaker 1: 3:17

So true, so true. So you were really unwell when you got diagnosed, weren't you? You were on a feeding tube and hospitalized, and it also what's going on.

Speaker 2: 3:27

I was kind of yeah, it was an unusual situation in that I've always been a pretty slim person, I've always been very athletic and I'm only five, two and three quarters.

Speaker 1: 3:37

I like to say five, three so.

Speaker 2: 3:39

I'm not a large person.

Speaker 2: 3:41

So I think the main issue was that when I got diagnosed I had already lost around 15 pounds that I didn't really have to lose, and I think my system personally it just didn't respond enough to a gluten-free diet, so I ended up having to go on a liquid diet from my doctor.

Speaker 2: 3:59

That didn't work. So then, as a college freshman, my first semester, I ended up being hospitalized and given a feeding tube and an IV for about a week and then I left the hospital, had that feeding tube for another week and obviously as a college freshman, I really did not want to go back to my college like with a backpack with a feeding tube that I would like carry around. So I kind of was very stubborn with my doctors and asked if I could at least try, now that I was starting to feel better I was finally getting this nutrients, finally gaining a little bit of weight back to go back on solid gluten-free foods, and thankfully they did let me. I was able to slowly get better. I stopped having pain while eating gluten-free which was an issue I was still having, which was kind of contributing to that continued weight loss, and thankfully it took me about five years, but eventually I finally gained back to a healthy weight and didn't have a lot of that stubborn pain and those complications that I was dealing with.

Speaker 1: 5:01

Yeah, wow, such a journey, isn't it? No-transcript.

Speaker 2: 5:06

You never. I always say that celiac disease is just such a unique experience because people can wait years for diagnosis and people can get it within months. People can have all gastrointestinal symptoms, they can have none, they can have extreme complications, like I did, or have none at all and feel totally better one week after going gluten-free. It's just a very unpredictable experience. That's really why I just try to emphasize making sure you get follow-up care, make sure you have a follow-up appointment to make sure that you are responding to that gluten-free diet Absolutely. That way, hopefully, I could have gotten the intervention a little bit sooner.

Speaker 1: 5:47

Yeah, absolutely no. That's really good advice. You do such a great job of sharing so much valuable information on your Instagram account as well. I just love following you on there. You make it fun as well. You make it educational, but also fun over on your Instagram account. I love that you've been able to take your diagnosis and support others and help others, which is brilliant. So many people are learning so much from you over there as well, which is wonderful. You mentioned that you went on a date two weeks after your diagnosis. Oh, my goodness.

Speaker 2: 6:23

Yes, how was that? I was kind of like I was a late bloomer, I was not dating until that was my senior year of high school when one of our high school teachers bullied a guy is how I felt into asking me out, since she made a whiteboard and then would connect students from our class before prom. All of a sudden, I walk in one day and I'm connected with this guy and I was like I don't know how this happened. Wow, so I end up getting asked on my first date. I'm very new to Celiac, new to gluten-free. We ended up just going to a movie and then we ended up getting ice cream.

Speaker 2: 7:00

And the biggest mistake that I wish I could have told myself back then is to never feel pressured to get food when you aren't comfortable, because that was the first time I also got glutened with on my very first date. Oh, wow, because I did my best, I got a gluten-free flavor, but I wasn't super aware of cross-contact at that time, so I didn't ask for like a fresh tub or a fresh scooper. And I was really embarrassed too, just because this guy finally asked me out, and I don't want to be the weird one hogging up the line asking all these questions, but thankfully or not, when I was first diagnosed, I didn't have gluten symptoms until a couple days after exposure.

Speaker 1: 7:41

Oh, I will, so at least my first date wasn't ruined.

Speaker 2: 7:45

I just kind of realized the same days after I feel like a zombie. I probably made him a fake. Yeah, wow, it was a good learning experience to just realize that my health had to come first and that if I was going to go on dates with Feliac to the youth, I needed to know how to do it in an educated way. Yes, otherwise it's not fun for them and it's certainly not fun for me.

Speaker 1: 8:08

Absolutely, oh, 100%. So you were obviously single when you first got diagnosed. You're in a relationship now and your partner is amazing and supportive from what I see what you share on Instagram but you've had some experiences between starting dating and now. Do you want to share some of those insights for people so that they can see what can happen, what to look out for and what sort of things that people might come across when they are dating with Feliac disease?

Speaker 2: 8:43

Totally so. I would say I would kind of break my dating period into that college dating, since I was diagnosed just like a few months before I went to college, and I think that's kind of similar to if you're in the workforce or you're just in a social situation where you're meeting people. It can be a little bit more natural. I was obviously, since I was hospitalized in college and it was a very small campus, everyone knew I had Celiac disease. I would stand like in the corner of the cafeteria to get my special meal. It was all impossible to hide.

Speaker 2: 9:16

Yes, it was kind of a blessing in some ways, because this couple of guys that I did meet in college and ended up going on dates with meeting their family they already knew I had Celiac to start with and I would kind of, if I noticed maybe there's a little tension, this could be something building into a relationship and they didn't know I had Celiac. I would usually drop a few hints like oh my God, it's so funny that I can get gluten to buy a kid. Lol, can you believe that? So I would try to like drop little breadcrumbs here and there when I was hanging out with friends and maybe potential suitors, just to make sure that it was a little less awkward if I did eventually go on a date with someone on campus and I would say for the most part I would say that I would be happy to be able to get Most families, at least in my experience. They want to make you feel welcome.

Speaker 2: 10:08

A lot of them in my experience are not that educated on celiac.

Speaker 2: 10:12

They're usually open to learning, but typically I would just bring my own food. I would be prepared to eat something different than everyone else or I would choose the restaurant and maybe it wasn't the most comfortable at all times, because you want to be liked and you don't want to seem like you're being a burden or being more complicated. But I would say most of the families and partners I've had have been very supportive of me being gluten-free and know that it is for a health reason. But there are some people that you will run across that just don't understand celiac disease or a gluten-free diet. Unfortunately, especially I found being a smaller woman, I think, especially in being a smaller young woman, a lot of people assume that it's just a diet. I'm just a fad dieter trying to stay thin, and I think that's even something that a lot of people probably experience on social media who are my demographic compared to some of the other gluten-free male influencers who are assumed to have an actual medical condition. But that's kind of off topic, but same realm yeah it makes sense.

Speaker 2: 11:23

But getting to that, I had one particular partner who was totally wonderful. He really wanted to support my needs. We were together for several years, so it was a pretty serious relationship and unfortunately his mom was just a very toxic personality. So it was not just that she was not understanding to my needs, it was more that she was misunderstanding to everyone's needs and just wanted to get her way and have all the attention.

Speaker 2: 11:50

So, that was really my first exposure. I was probably around 1920 when I was having to navigate. When you're getting text from an ex or from a partner's mom who's like have you seen her medical records? Do you know if she's like faking this? Do you have any proof that she was actually hospitalized or is she just making this up for attention? And it was really hurtful.

Speaker 2: 12:16

That was really the first experience I had of someone for in my personal life doubting me and making me feel like I wasn't worthy as a partner or as a potential future daughter-in-law because of my medical issues, and it definitely. It was a mess. It was not easy to navigate and I did go to a lot of family dinners and stuff where I just wouldn't eat or I would eat beforehand, since she or she would make comments about when I would go out to eat at a restaurant I chose, Like why did you have to talk to a waiter about all of those requests? Why do you have to worry about a dedicated fryer? Like it's fries it's fine.

Speaker 2: 12:59

So it's just one of those things where I would say, overall, most people that you will encounter and dating their families will probably want to learn more and want to learn how they can safely accommodate you.

Speaker 2: 13:14

But there will be people that unfortunately, are just not willing to learn, and that's when you really have to Recognize that it's not your fault. You are perfect as you are. You are more than enough for your partner. You do not need to risk making yourself sick to get someone's Approval, because most likely they still will never approve, and I'm very fortunate that these days I have an extremely Supportive family. It's funny because my current partner's mother actually is also kind of like a blogger Just some more of the crafting space and when we went to visit them for the first time last year, she made a whole blog about trying to find gluten-free deli meat for me and how there was this one deli meat brand that was gluten-free, but when she talked to the people in the grocery store, they cut it with the bread, so it wasn't gluten-free and so she's all those different things.

Speaker 2: 14:08

Yeah, and they made you know, like a separate table, that was just gluten-free food that they got for me and that just made me really appreciate how good it can be with a family. Yeah, especially if that family doesn't have any personal experience with deli, active, these or gluten-free. Yeah, I think just shows that when you find the right person, and hopefully that person will have the right family for you, it can feel very easy to be included. Yeah, as long as you have that open communication we would do like messages. You know, here are my favorite brands, here's the foods that would be awesome to have when I was there, but I'm fine grocery shopping once I get there with you. Any of those kind of open communication. I think it's the biggest thing to just make sure that You're respecting their boundaries, they're respecting your boundaries and you're really understanding what you need Versus them, maybe having some misconceptions about what celiac or gluten-free is.

Speaker 1: 15:08

Yeah, education is massive, isn't? It just opens those doors to that conversation and just makes it so much easier. So I'm so pleased to hear that you're able to do that now with your maybe.

Speaker 2: 15:24

Now, that's yes, and I would say One tip that I would also mention, since I kind of talked about college dating when you know someone and you there may be a friend first and then a partner it's a little easier for them to obviously understand when Then you are gluten-free, because they know you.

Speaker 2: 15:43

Yes, but my partner and I actually met on hinge, a dating app, and so when I moved out to Colorado, I was like Eff it, I am going to try dating apps for the first time. Yeah, and one of the things that helped me the most was actually including that I had celiac disease and needed to eat gluten-free in my profiles. Ironically, it led me to like matching with some celiacs or like some siblings of celiacs who you know. We didn't work out, but, yeah, always nice to meet someone who also is familiar with gluten-free, and it just made it a little bit easier to have that initial Conversation. Yeah, since they would usually like ask about it before we even met. Yeah, that way it's not like you get to the restaurant, you're like I can't eat any of this.

Speaker 1: 16:26

Yeah, yeah, that's a good idea, so you had it on your profile so people knew, prior to even connecting with you, that that was Part of your life, in your life. So I like that. That's a good tip, because a lot of people do have it.

Speaker 2: 16:39

I've always been really open about my celiac disease, since it was impossible For me to hide it in college because it was such a small campus and it was pretty public news that I was hospitalized, though Kind of just owned it, and have done that for the rest of my life. I'm very fortunate that I have a supportive family and a supportive partner. That makes it a lot easier to do that. And I would say, if you do feel comfortable adding celiac or that you eat gluten-free to your dating profile, it may be helpful just to help weed out people who just see that and are like I can't deal with that and red flag, you don't want them anyway. Yes, that's right, but if you don't want to do that, also, totally fine, and I typically would steer away from food on first dates anyway.

Speaker 2: 17:22

Mine was typically always just coffee, because coffee and tea pretty easy to eat to get a gluten-free option and then you just don't have to deal with food and I honestly usually didn't go on a food-related date until the third date.

Speaker 2: 17:37

And once I'm going on a third date, hopefully that's someone that I'm beginning to see a connection with and that is something that would be a good time to mention like hey, just so you know, I do have celiac disease, I do need to eat gluten-free, and then you can share whatever else in that that you think is important at the time. If you're going out to a restaurant, it could just be as simple as hey, just so you know, I have celiac disease, I need to eat gluten-free. Here are five restaurants nearby that I feel really comfortable with. Would you like to go to one of those? That way, it's still a very collaborative experience. You're still both getting a choice on the restaurant and if you want your date to surprise you with where you go, they still have that option. But you know that you can eat something there and you will feel safe.

Speaker 1: 18:23

True, such great advice. I love that. That's excellent, very, very helpful. Thank you.

Speaker 2: 18:29

I try to keep it practical. Yeah, we need practical celiac life tips.

Speaker 1: 18:33

And often it is just those simple things, isn't it? Just keep it really simple and don't make it stressful and just enjoy yourself, Because at the end of the day, you know we shouldn't be letting celiac disease hold us back, and I do see so many people letting celiac disease hold them back from enjoying life and dating, and you know a lot of people think that they should only date another person with celiac disease. But in your experience you've tried that and you know it's kind of been nice. But it's worked out that you've found someone that doesn't have celiac disease and you know he's supportive of you eating gluten-free. Sometimes he eats gluten-free, Sometimes he doesn't. So I think that's wonderful. And what would you say to other people that you have a partner that doesn't have to eat gluten-free? Ok, what would be the benefits of dating someone that doesn't have to eat gluten-free?

Speaker 2: 19:31

I think it's actually I really like. One of the biggest benefits I think of dating someone who eats gluten is when you're going out to eat, because a lot of times we will order the same thing, since we do have similar tastes. You know, we'll go to a burger place, I'll get a gluten-free burger, he'll get a regular burger. Makes it really easy to make sure that you have the right bun, since yours looks very different from his. That's a big help. Bar. I also really like that.

Speaker 2: 19:55

Since I haven't eaten gluten for 10 years, it can be hard for me to know how good is this Like? Is it gluten level good or is it really good for gluten free? So I think it's really fun to have my boyfriend taste test or try a bite of thing. That way I just get a really reputable palette to kind of support that. Yeah, this would be really good to bring to a party with gluten-free and gluten-needers which I don't mean that in a negative way, but that is usually what I call. My boyfriend or my dad like the gluten-eating just as an easy identifier, and I would also just say it opens up your possibilities.

Speaker 2: 20:35

Obviously, you are limiting yourself if you are only dating people that eat gluten-free or that have celiac disease, and maybe that is good for you.

Speaker 2: 20:45

Maybe you find the perfect partner, and I am so happy if that's the case. But maybe you haven't find the right person and it's because they don't eat gluten-free. But maybe they even would if they fell in love with someone who's gluten-free, and I think that's also a really important conversation to keep in mind when you are going to start dating is what would your ideal house setup be If you were to find the love of your life on this date? Would it be a breaking point if they wanted to still eat gluten in the house? Would it be a breaking point if they didn't want to go gluten-free at least half of the time or part of the time? And so keeping in mind those kind of priorities are what you're really looking for can also help you know what are actual breaking points to our relationship and what is something that maybe you just need to negotiate and really establish clear boundaries that works for both of you, if you do end up staying together.

Speaker 1: 21:42

Yeah, absolutely. It's pretty much one of those big life questions, isn't it? Do you want to have kids, do you?

Speaker 2: 21:48

want to, you know, do you want to set the standards out of the way, religion, kids, where you want to?

Speaker 1: 21:52

live Like it is up there with one of those big questions, so I really like that you've included that, so that's a good tip for people definitely.

Speaker 2: 22:01

And I would also say like thank you, your idea of what you want me change. I know that when I was in high school and college, when I was newly diagnosed and was especially like struggling, I definitely wanted just to have a 100% gluten-free home. But now that I'm older, I know the price of gluten-free food especially, and I have a partner who can be really careful and knows how serious crumbs or cross-contacts and all that stuff is. Staying around 90% gluten-free in our house works for us and I think that's just something that every family and every couple that has gluten-free and Gluten-eaters just needs to decide for them.

Speaker 1: 22:38

Yep definitely Fantastic very helpful. Well, thank you so much for sharing all of that with us. Casey, Is there anything else you wanted to add into the conversation or anything else that might be helpful for people Dating?

Speaker 2: 22:52

I would say the biggest reminder or message I would like to spread is actually from my boyfriend. It is something that I do plan to get tattooed on me one day, and it is that never a burden, always a blessing. That keep in mind that you are a whole person, you are not just your dietary restrictions, you are not just your celiac, and it may even enhance parts of your personality. Maybe you're a fantastic baker because you no longer could just buy whatever pastry you could find. And to keep in mind that with you comes a lot of blessings, not just this restriction.

Speaker 1: 23:27

Yeah, that's beautiful. Perfect to finish on. Thank you so much.

Speaker 2: 23:32

You're so welcome. I really enjoyed chatting All right.

Speaker 1: 23:35

Thank you so much for listening to this week's episode and I look forward to talking with you again very, very soon. Have a great week. I don't talk to you then, bye.